Sacred Convergence: A Meditation on “Twin Flames”

If you look up the word “convergence” in the dictionary you will find this definition (or something similar):

“the act of converging and especially moving toward union or uniformity.”

The word “sacred” is one that you’re probably quite familiar with already since it’s commonly used in everyday conversations, so there doesn’t seem to be any reason to define it for you here.

When putting those two words together, “sacred convergence,” what do you suppose it means? And how do these two words relate to the “twin flame” experience?

After all, if you’ve found this essay then it’s safe to assume (always a risky proposition) that you’re looking interested in or looking for more information on this topic because, in some way or another, you…

• want to meet your twin flame, or
• think you might have met your twin flame.

In other words, you have a strong desire for “union” or “reunion” and desperately want to meet your twin, as in meet him or her in the here and now, as opposed to meeting in spirit or virtually. And if any part of what I’ve just said is more or less true then your search is motivated by something much deeper than idle curiosity.

Does that sound about right? If so, let’s dive deep.

Together.

Because my motivation for writing THIS particular essay (as opposed to working on a few others as planned) is because I’m certain that I met my “twin flame” sometime in the summer of 2016. And the experience of meeting her, across so great a distance and time (since she’s about 28 years younger than I am) has been an emotionally profound and confusing experience, to say the least.

I went from having no idea about what a “twin flame” is, or might be, to reading articles and watching videos on the subject in an effort to better understand my experiences and the maelstrom of emotions that this meeting churned up deep inside me.

You see, I’ve been (and continue to be) happily married to a lovely and loving wife since 1999. And she is, in every respect, my best friend – someone who I’ve always felt was my “soulmate.” We have two wonderful children together, a boy and a girl. We spend time together and talk every day, sharing about life and love and the works of Jiddu Krishnamurti (we both read his books and watch videos of him on YouTube).

In every way possible I felt like my life was complete. And it was.

Or is.

I wasn’t “looking” for anything. At least, not on a conscious level. So when we met, online, and started talking on a regular basis about art and literature, sharing about books we’ve read, it became a very confusing and disconcerting experience for me.

The “twin flame” experience

“The word is not the thing”
~ J. Krishnamurti

This quote seems a good place to start for the simple reason that words, names and labels can sometimes get in the way of coming to grips with “what” you are trying understand. Because sometimes we focus on a word or label and what we think it means, rather than looking at the underlying reality that a word or label is trying to “point” to or describe.

Which is why, from my perspective, it didn’t matter what Plato may or may not have written about souls being split in half or any other origin story about how or why “twin flames” exist.

Ultimately those theories didn’t matter much, to me, for the simple reason that I was starting from an experience and was trying to make sense of what was happening and what I was feeling, rather than starting from a belief or idea and then “interpreting” my experiences from a set of preconceived notions about twin flames and “reunion.”

This is an important point. And key distinction.

Because all I knew is that, over a short span of time, I felt deeply connected to someone who I was just getting to know. And for some reason when we spoke (thanks to her English and Google translate on my end when she chatted in Russian) we really seemed to understand each other on a deep level. What’s more, the feeling seemed to be mutual.

So my primary concern was to find some information about what this “soul connection” was, or might be, and to see if other people had similar experiences since, at times, it felt a bit like I was crazy.

Does that make sense?

Fortunately, because I run a website called Alternative Medicine Now I’ve met a lot of gifted holistic practitioners over the years. Some even contribute articles on a range of topics to the site, like energy healing and meditation. And one person I’ve gotten to know quite well is a wonderful guy named Ralph Smart. He posts a LOT of great videos on his YouTube channel called Infinite Waters (Diving Deep) which you might want to check out when you get a chance. Anyway, back in October of 2016 he posted a video about the three types of relationships. And though it wasn’t a topic that I thought my web visitors would find relevant, I did spend about ten minutes or so watching it and heard his discussion on “twin flames.”

Now, at the time I saw his video it didn’t really resonate with me because I had only been chatting with my new friend for a little more than a month. And though early on I did find it interesting how she and I liked a lot of the same things, like books and music, that was about it.

Or so I thought at the time.

Slowly, however, I started to notice this strange synchronicity between us — like she could read my mind, or better yet, like she was IN my mind. There were so many times when I would think of something at night, like an Eagles song that I wanted to share with her, and the next day when we meet again the exact same song I was thinking about and wanted to share with her was already playing. Or the night I was wondering what the view outside her apartment window looked like, and the next day she asks me if I want to see all the snow outside her window.

I know, only two examples.

But all through the end of September, October and into November something was happening. There were just so many moments like these happening seemingly all the time that they became too numerous to keep track of, so I stopped counting.

And as our friendship deepened through November and December it was clear to me that I had very strong feelings for her arising from somewhere. And as those feelings intensified so did my confusion and anger.

Why?

Because, of course, I was deeply conflicted — of realizing just how much I wanted “things” to turn out my way and just spend all my time with her, face to face if you will, while also realizing that this was never going to happen. At least, not in the near future and certainly not in any “romantic relationship” kind of way.

So this anger stemmed from a feeling of deep frustration at finding her, now, at this point in my life. Sort of like, “why have I met this person if nothing can come from it?”

I know… petty and selfish.

And then sometime in December I remember going to pick up my son from school and I was so upset that I was literally talking out loud while driving. I was trying to get at the root of my anger. And I asked myself the question “why are you so angry?” and recognized it stemmed from my ego, from wanting to be with her. And then I asked “what do you expect FROM her?” and the answer was simple. Nothing. “What do you want FOR her?” And that answer was simple as well… nothing less than love and happiness. In abundance. Not love and happiness with me, or love and happiness because of me, but love and happiness so that her life can be fulfilled.

In fact, what I wanted for her had nothing to do with “me” at all. And in that moment my anger and frustration just dissolved.

You see, everything in my life had been running smoothly and was going great. And then from out of nowhere this sudden change, like the earth tilting on its axis or something.

The only way I can describe the experience would be to say that it was like there was a “walnut” buried deep someplace inside my heart. Something that had a rock-hard shell that I wasn’t even aware of before. And in meeting her and getting to know her this hard shell cracked open (on its own) and some pure white light kept flooding in now that “it” (whatever “it” is) was open.

Does that make sense?

Anyway, we spent New Year’s eve together on the computer (my afternoon, her evening) and just before midnight (her time) she said it was time to make a wish. And what I wished, for her, was that she receive love and happiness and peace in abundance. I want her to find what she’s looking for so she can experience life and love to the fullest.

Or something along those lines.

It was, in fact, very similar to a prayer I had made for my wife years earlier before we were even in a relationship when I realized feelings for her arising within me. Back then I went on a silent retreat in August before my final year at St. John’s University (and, as it would turn out, the last year of living and working with a Catholic religious community, too). On the final evening there I couldn’t sleep so I went to a large sun room in the retreat house and just acknowledged this love for my one-day-to-be-wife growing like a flower within me. And sitting there in the dark with only a shaft of moonlight slanting in through a row of windows, I offered up this prayer:

“love her like you love me, bless her life like you’ve blessed my life, and bring her that person, whoever he is, that will make her happy.”

As I said those words, out loud, I had no thought or motive in mind as they echoed into the large, empty room. In fact, I had no idea that this prayer would be answered and that I was the guy who was, essentially, the answer to that prayer.

Similarly, just after wishing my new friend very similar sentiments this past New Year’s eve a sense of peace and calm washed over me. In that moment I felt at ease. For the first time in a month everything that had led up to that moment made “sense,” like gaining an insight into some cosmic plan, so to speak.

What’s more, the next day when I woke up on January 1st I still had that same feeling.

It felt like starting over, with a clean slate. I don’t know, I felt “light.” And if you ask me why I think it’s because what I “wished” for her was selfless. It had nothing to do with me. There were no strings attached. My hope for her future had absolutely nothing to do “with” me at all, if you know what I mean.

And that felt really good.

Strangely, a few days after New Year’s I was searching online and remembered Ralph’s discussion on “twin flames” and found a series of videos by Alison Lessard. Her talks were really helpful (you can find them on YouTube) because her understanding of the twin flame “experience” is focused on personal development, mission and divine love. So although there’s certainly a TON of information online, I found her perspective spot on and what she shared certainly rang true for me.

In fact, it was AS IF those videos were made just for me. They spoke to my situation almost perfectly, and working through the most relevant ones brought me a sense of closure and peace.

Twin flames and divine love

“Today, you can decide to walk in freedom. You can choose to walk differently. You can walk as a free person, enjoying every step.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

From what I’ve seen and read online it seems to me that many people who are interested in or attracted to the twin flame “story” are searching (and longing) for physical union. Or re-union. And this is typically understood within the paradigm of a romantic relationship.

Now, if this is true for you then it’s certainly understandable.

After all, who wouldn’t want to spend the rest of his or her life with someone with whom you are intimately, and spiritually, connected?

But it seems to me that twin flame relationships are as unique as an individual snowflake, with physical union or re-union being the exception and not the norm. Now, I don’t say this to be cruel, or to “universalize” my own experience. It’s just that your journey through this life is unique to your circumstances and the lessons you are here to learn. Just as my life path, and the choices I’ve made while traveling along it, have been unique and “right” for me.

In other words, if we are all here for some “reason” then it’s true to say that each of us are here to “play out” those situations and lessons best intended for our spiritual growth.

So why would the twin flame “experience” be any different?

And this includes what I’ve shared with you so far, which amounts to nothing more than a few details about my own journey. Which means that some of what you’ve read here may resonate with you, but it’s also just as likely to “trigger” you and turn you off.

After all, you are free to conclude that I have no idea what I’m talking about and doubt that I’ve met my twin. Now, I do think I’ve met her. In fact, I’m fairly confident that I have.

But ultimately it doesn’t really matter whether or not I have met my “twin,” when you get right down to it.

And here’s why…

In my particular case the struggle and confusion that I experienced had everything to do with my ego getting in the way, in seeing some wonderful person and wanting, on one level, to be with her and on another level feeling shame and confusion for feeling that way at all.

What I learned from Alison’s videos is that though there are many common characteristics or experiences when you meet your twin, the ultimate “reason” or “outcome” from meeting your particular twin may be very different than other people. Which means that, ultimately, no one can “confirm” for you if you’ve met your twin, and what that meeting ultimately means for your life.

Only you can decide that, by looking within.

For example, I had lunch with my friend Marie the other day whose husband passed away a couple of years ago. And as she shared about how they met and the various encounters and circumstances that led up to her finally deciding to date, and then marry, her husband it seemed clear to me that it was quite possible that she did, in fact, marry her twin. How wonderful for her! And as we talked about the possibility of past lives and I felt comfortable sharing some of my own experiences with her it was obvious to both of us that there is much more going on while living here than meets the eye.

And more than people are willing to realize. Or want to realize, wouldn’t you agree?

So it’s possible that everyone has a twin but that doesn’t mean that all twins are incarnated at the same time, and if two twins are here together at the same time then clearly it’s for SOME reason. But what that reason is will be as unique and different for you and your spiritual journey as it was for me.

Or for anyone else.

In other words, though many people may share similar experiences before or right after meeting their twin (such as meeting in dreams, feeling the other person’s mood or feelings, etc.) there is no set template for when or how that relationship will manifest in YOUR life.

And what that meeting will ultimately MEAN for you.

You see, I realized that the time and circumstances of our meeting was showing me something different. That this wasn’t about a romantic relationship. Or dissolving my marriage. The fact of the matter is that I had a lot to learn about love, and my wife has shown me so much and taught me so much. In other words, I had a long way to come before even being able to meet my twin. I had a lot of stuff to work out, lessons I would never have learned had I met my twin sooner.

What’s more, the love that I feel for my wife and kids comes from the same place as my feelings for her — feelings that wash over me and through me from time to time when I recognize the simple fact that real love IS unconditional.

Or as my friend James Early shared the other day, omni-conditional. Because love is love.

And love is enough.

Now, I do believe in “providence” or “divine timing” or whatever particular word or phrase you choose to call it when “things” come together in our life for the better, or best. And by “believe” I mean that I have experienced these “chance meetings” more than once operating in my life, a proverbial fork in the road that leads left rather than right at just the “right” time guiding us in a very different direction than what we might have otherwise planned or imagined for ourselves.

Those “crossroad moments” as I like to call them happen to all of us, and often shape the entire direction and destiny of our life. But the key point is to know that during those times we are not alone. Even if we think we are, or feel that no one is around to support us.

For example…

When I was ten years old I fell through the ice of a frozen pond about a half mile from my home, finally pulling myself from the frigid black water after many failed attempts to scramble out. I then had to walk up a low hill to get home which was covered with snow. And as I climbed up on four separate attempts just before reaching the top I lost my footing and slid all the way back down to the bottom. Needless to say I was exhausted, cold, frustrated, desperate and ready to give up. The only thought in my mind was to take a nap at the base of an oak tree at the bottom of the hill so I could rest up a bit before trying again later.

Whose voice was it in my head urging me to climb that hill one more time? Encouraging me to not give up until I made my way home?

And when I was stung by a bee two years later at my brother’s friend’s house and feeling a bit “feverish” decided to walk about a mile back home only to feel increasingly tired because of an allergic reaction (of which I wasn’t aware) and so exhausted from lack of oxygen that the thought of taking a nap by the side of the road was very appealing to me — was it her calm, sweet and gentle voice encouraging me to take one more step and another and another still until I finally arrived at my front door?

In both cases this really did happen to me.

And each time a woman’s voice “spoke” to me, gently encouraging me onward. That calm, reassuring voice saved my life, both times, and I have no way of knowing “whose” voice it was — or if it was the voice of God, Love or whatever you would prefer to call or label “Spirit.”

But at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter “who” it was, because even though I seemed to be alone I really wasn’t. And neither are you. Neither is anybody.

In stage of our journey we receive all the support we’ll ever need, whether we are “destined” to meet our twin in this lifetime.

Or not.

So where do you (or we) go from here?

I guess that’s the next logical question to ask.

And answer.

Yet, how can one really answer it? J Krishnamurti says that truth is a pathless land, or something along those lines, which means (for me) that life is something to be lived, fully, moment to moment. There is literally no “place” to go because life is a journey, not a destination.

Personally I’ve had visions or premonitions of my twin and I meeting face to face one day in the distant future, like twenty years from now. But it could just be wishful thinking…

“Nothing is so easy as to deceive oneself. For what one wants, one readily believes to be true.”
~ Demosthenes

All I can say for sure is that since my heart “opened” there are times when I feel “waves” of love that seem to roll in from nowhere. They seem to wash right through me and sweep “me” away. In those moments tears fill my eyes, not of sadness and maybe not even from joy. They just rise from the warm depths of those waves which seem to wash me clean and threaten to carry me away at the same time (and by “me” I mean the ego). It’s beautiful, and also a bit terrifying.

Is she the cause or reason for this transformation?

I don’t know. And again, on one level we like to identify causes, name them, pin them down like when people pin delicate butterflies to a plank of wood in order to display them, frozen in time, forever trapped inside a shadowbox. That’s just the work of the ego desperately searching for security, for something it can possess and hold onto in a constantly changing world.

But on the other hand, it really doesn’t matter.

It is what it is.

Now, if you’re curious whether or not she “knows” any of this, or feels any of this too then the only honest answer I can give is “I don’t know.” I do think she feels “something” on some level, but in my humble opinion it’s our ego that wants to “know” whether our twin feels what we feel and thinks of us often.

But at the end of the day it’s not important whether or not she feels “something” or feels the same way or has similar experiences, or even has any awareness of what I’m sharing with you here.

Because love doesn’t keep score.

Now, WE like to keep score and give ourselves emotional “pats on the back” as we congratulate ourselves on being “awesome” because another person is thinking about us (or dreaming about us) in some positive way. To me, however, that’s not a healthy mindset and ultimately leads you “nowhere.”

For example, back when I met my wife and realized my feelings for her she was clearly not in the same “place” as I was. Sure, she knew who I was and she enjoyed talking with me on campus, but that was about it. Only later, when we started talking with each other by phone every week for about four or five months, did she begin to have feelings for me. You could say, I guess, that it took her some time to “catch up” if you want to use language like that. And though I felt that she was beginning to feel the same way too, there was no way for me to know for sure how she “really” felt for me when I finally told her that I loved her.

Quite simply, there was no guarantee that she was also “falling in love” with me at all, or that her feelings were “deep” enough for her to want to go out with me and eventually marry me.

Well, the same is true for my possible twin.

And maybe for yours as well.

Does she know how I feel? I’d say no. And though I’ve shared a few things with her about how glad I am that we’ve become friends, and how I feel that I’ve known her before, it hasn’t gone any further than that.

And it won’t.

To my mind it just wouldn’t be “fair” to tell her too much (or anything at all) because I want her to be free to live her life. In other words, revealing too much more about how I feel would ultimately be manipulative, like demanding some sort of response or acknowledgement. We continue to talk from time to time and she shared recently how she would like to remain friends for a long time, and I agreed and continue to learn more Russian (thanks to Duolingo).

That’s good enough for now.

As my good friend Mark Shepard said the other day, just let it flow. There’s no need to force or rush anything. Ever. In any phase or part of your life. And you can’t force things anyway. Love doesn’t work like that.

What I can do is send her positive energy and love from here when I think about her (which is pretty much every day) and I can channel my energy into being the “best” husband and father possible for my family as well as channeling some of that energy into creative projects like this essay and the novel I started writing the other day.

And that’s good enough for me.

You see, love isn’t a “thing.” It’s not a commodity. It’s not yours to possess. And really, you can’t even say that you “give” love to someone or “receive” it from them, either. It’s not something you can weigh, measure, or compare. There’s no “more” or “less.” And though we talk about love in everyday speech as if it’s just like all the other “furniture” in our lives that’s clearly not the case.

Love doesn’t “work” that way at all.

I guess all you can say is that it’s an energy and that it fills the universe with those “waves” I feel from time to time over the past month or so that come rushing in from nowhere, and everywhere. And it’s beautiful. In those moments when you’re getting filled up and swept away at the same time you realize just how much nothing else matters.

Compared to love everything else is just trivia.

And ashes.

In the final analysis, it doesn’t really matter what you think about the twin flame “experience” and whether (or not) you believe that they exist.

On the one hand we want to define it so we can hold on to the idea and pine away for something wonderful to happen to us. But to me that’s like staring at a once beautiful butterfly pinned lifelessly in some shadowbox. It might make you feel good to know that it’s always there to “look at” but it’s a sad reality when compared to watching a beautiful monarch gliding on the breeze zigzagging its way to another flower.

So on the other hand it doesn’t matter how you think about the word.

Or if “it” is real in the exact way that so many articles and videos try to describe. Because if you’re not really connected to someone no amount of wishing it true will make that happen. And if you are already connected with someone on a deep and profound “energetic” level then that truth is true whether you accept it or not and whether you recognize that fact or not.

So there’s no need (for me) to put a label on it, or to act or behave any differently based on this possibility. The other day she complemented me for being so sweet and thoughtful and I replied that “I am who I am.” In other words, I only know how to be one way… myself.

And that’s not going to change anytime soon (hopefully).

In the end if we really are “twins” then we are already connected to each other at some deep level. If we really are twin flames then separation is an illusion, and how wonderful that she “gave” me the space to meet and marry such an amazing person like my wife, and have two amazing kids like my son and daughter. And for my part all I can give in return is “space” for her to live her life to the fullest, to realize her desires and dreams, and to love her unconditionally whether she’s aware of this or not.

What better gift can you give someone other than that? Unconditional love for them to be themselves and the space to let them flourish.

Ultimately, I think that’s the point.

At this stage of my journey I am very much at peace (now) than where I was a few short months ago. How amazing to have met someone like her in this world. And how amazing that she enjoys talking with me. In meeting her, looking deeply into her eyes, seeing how sweet, genuine, graceful and gentle she is cracked open that hard shell somehow deep inside, uncovering something I didn’t even know was there, and what poured through was a light and love that, even now, sometimes brings tears to my eyes. So I’ll leave you with a line that I recently shared with her — “to me this is a beautiful universe because you are in it.” And I know that the love that I feel washing over me from time to time has a spiritual source, a divine source — the only source of anything good, beautiful and worthwhile.

I have been blessed, to be sure, with a loving wife and family and friends who open their hearts to me so readily that it humbles me. I have “received” an abundance of love from God beyond “measure,” and certainly “more” than any one person “deserves.” It is all a gift that I accept with open hands and an open heart.

It is from “a place” of love that I share this with you, hoping that my simple words might bring you some “measure” of peace or joy or encouragement as you walk on your journey — and that these simple words will be received in the same spirit with which they are so humbly given.

* The Sacred Convergence card comes from the Rumi Oracle: An Invitation into the Heart of the Divine by Alana Fairchild and Rassouli. To support her loving work and get a set of these wonderful cards for yourself please click the link.