i remember (to remember)

i remember what he said
(not so long ago) that day
when i asked what he felt
as he hung on display for all
to see with so many waiting
for a sign or some proof
of his divinity (or maybe
just filled with naked
curiosity?) — in one swift
motion he took me up
to a towering precipice
and held my bony shoulders
and had me lean over and gaze
down into an endless abyss
which yawned deeper and darker
than any my mind could possibly
glimpse. “this,” he whispered
in my ear. and drunk
from that dizzying height
i nearly fell forward
but his strong hands held
me fast and reassured me
that all would be fine
one day, that all could
be won and lost
and ultimately
forgiven.

i remember the pale blue
clearness of her eyes
(so long ago) as they pierced
right through to the very
heart of me, reading my
soul in ways no one else
ever could. without a word
between us i knew exactly
what she wanted from me,
or needed (if such a word
could ever really apply
to one such as she). and held
by her pleading and penetrating
gaze i steadied my nerves,
readied my pilum and in one
swift motion of will and iron
pierced his side to end
their private pain
while the world
looked on as
he died.

and now i’m left behind —
remembering (to remember).